Love Letter from HR Manager

Check this out...how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girl friend??

To,
Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop

Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,

HR Manager

HALF BOY & HALF MAN - The Indian Soldier

1/2 boy 1/2 man


The average age of the army man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's, but he has never collected unemployment dole either.

He's a recent school/college graduate; he was probably an average student from one of the Kendriya Vidyalayas, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip -hop or country or gazals or swing and a 155mm howitzer.

He is 5 or 7 kilos lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting the insurgents or standing gaurd on the icy Himalayas from before dawn to well after dusk or he is at Mumbai engaging the terrorists. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.
He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march.
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. His pride and self-respect, he does not lack.
He is self-sufficient.

He has two sets of combat dress: he washes one and wears the other.
He keeps his water bottle full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.

If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all.
He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.

He feels every note of the Jana Gana Mana vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hands from their pockets, or even stop talking.
In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy.

He is your nation's Fighting Man that has kept this country free and defended your right to Freedom. He has experienced deprivation and adversity, and has seen his buddies falling to bullets and maimed and blown.
But, he has asked nothing in return, except our acknowledgement of his existence and understanding of his human needs.
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so.
As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot. . ..
A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets.

Prayer wheel for our military... Please send this on after a short prayer.

Prayer Wheel :
'Lord, hold our Indian Army in your loving hands.
Protect them as they protect us.
Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform
for us in our time of need. Amen.'


When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer
for our soldiers, sailors , and airmen , in all frontiers
There is nothing attached...
This can be very powerful...
Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, Sailor, or Airman,
prayer is the very best one.

Pray for the Indian Soldier. Unlike your 'Babus' or 'Netas' He will always do you proud.

Baby Care

Massage For Babies

Massage Therapy: A Step By Step Guide
Babies And Children:

Babies And Children usually enjoy being massaged as much as adults, but will often only keep still for a short space of time.The strokes you have learned can be used on babies and children - just adapt them to allow for their size and the fact that their little bodies will not have built up the same chronic tensions that adults can suffer from.Just explore and discover what your child likes best.
Front Of The Body:

Massage Steps:
1.Starting with the child on their back, gently stroke their face, starting in the middle of the forehead and working out to the temples.
2.Stroke across the cheeks from nose to the ears and then from the cheeks down to the chin.Gently stroke across the eyebrows, and back around under the eye.Make gentle circles around the temples.
3.Stroke up the front of the body and out along the arms.
4.Make clockwise circles around the navel using both hands.Do gentle wringing strokes across the abdomen and up the body.
5.Lift arms one at a time and stroke the length of the arm from shoulder to the hand.Use one hand to squeeze the arm, starting from the shoulder and moving down the arm.
6.Massage the hand and squeeze and rotate each of the fingers in turn.
7.Repeat for the other arm.Gently drain up the leg.Wring or squeeze up the leg.
8.Stroke down the leg using a light, feathering stroke.
Back Of The Body:
Massage Steps:
1.Turn the child on their front and gently stroke their back.Stroke up and over the back and along the arms.
2.Gently knead the child's shoulders.
3.Make a gentle wringing stroke up over the body.If your child is a baby, massage their rear using a gentle kneading or pinching strokes.
4.Smooth down the spine using alternating hands, starting at the base of the neck and working down to the base of the spine.Use gliding strokes down the legs.Bend the knee up and work on the foot.
5.Work around the anklebone with your fingertips.Sandwich foot between heels of hand and massage, moving both hands in a circular motion.
6.Gently squeeze the heel with one hand and massage up the sole of the child's foot using the thumbs of your other hand.
7.Massage the toes, gently squeezing, rotating and pulling each one in turn.Sandwich the foot between your hands and hold it firmly for a few seconds.Turn the baby over.
8.Stroke from one foot up the leg, across the sacrum(base of the spine), and back down the other leg.Use light strokes down the body, starting from the top of head right down to the feet.

Massage Caution:
Be very gentle when working with babies and children.Do not pursue the session if the child begins to fidget.
Massage Tip:
As a general rule, the strokes you use will need to be much lighter on children.The younger the child, the smaller and more delicate the strokes will need to be.If the child you are working on is very young, then you can sit on the floor and massage him or her on your lap.Otherwise spread a towel on the floor or any safe, raised surface.


Babies With Gas or digestive Problems

For babies with gas or digestive problems do the "I Love You" technique.

1. Lie your baby on his or her back.
2. Undress the baby leaving on only a diaper.
3. With your right hand (palm) gently run down the right side of the baby's body in a straight line, not pressing hard but in a soothing way(like the letter 'I').
4. Take your right hand, and in a straight line starting from the left side of the baby, run your hand across the baby's chest (under their ribs) in a straight line toward the right side of the body and then down (sort of like a upside-down 'L').
5. With your right palm, starting from the left side of the baby by his side and by his thigh, do an upside-down 'U' shape across the baby's body, and under the ribs. Finish by the right side of the baby's hip (where the hip starts)

This is a technique that baby's enjoy and it helps the digestive system. If you do this improperly, it can cause gas for the baby. So please do it the way outlined above.


How to Massage a Baby in Your Home

Setting up the home environment to be warm, quiet and comfortable is the first step toward a relaxing, loving experience as you give your baby a massage.

Things You’ll Need:
• Baby Blankets
• Baby Hooded Towels
• Towels
• Massage Oils
Step1 Select a room that is quiet and warm.

Step2 Find a position that is comfortable for both of you. Be aware of your back.

Step3 Either cradle the baby on a pillow on your lap or position your baby on a towel or blanket in front of you. When having their backs stroked, young babies love to be held against your chest.

Step4 Have massage oil handy.

Step5 Take off any jewelry that may scratch the baby's soft skin.

Step6 Undress the baby. Either leave on a onesie or a diaper or strip the baby down to his or her birthday suit. Be aware of room temperature.

Step7 Breathe deeply, and relax. The baby will feel any tension in your body through your hands.

Step8 Swish the massage oil in your hands to give the baby a cue that you are ready to begin.

Step9 Talk to your baby while massaging. It is an interaction. Listen to your baby talk back to you.


SOME IMPORTANT REASONS TO BREASTFEED

Babies who are not breastfed have a increased risk of:
• respiratory infections and ear infections
• gastrointestinal infections, diarrhea, or constipation
• allergies, including food allergies, eczema, and asthma
• iron-deficiency anemia
• problems with jaw and dental development that may require braces or other orthodontic work
• illnesses serious enough to require admission to hospital
• sids (sudden infant death syndrome)
• diabetes
• obesity
• some childhood cancers
• lower scores on intelligence and achievement tests


Sleep & Bedtime

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby. This is a glorious time in your life. Whether this is your first baby or your fifth, you will find this a time of recovery, adjustment, sometimes confusion and frustration, but " most wonderfully " of falling in love.
Babies younger than four months old have very different sleep needs than older babies. This article will help you understand your newborn baby's developing sleep patterns, and will help you develop reasonable expectations when it comes to your baby and sleep.
Read, Learn, and Beware of Bad Advice
Absolutely everyone has an opinion about how you should handle sleep issues with your new baby. The danger to a new parent is that these tidbits of misguided advice (no matter how well-intentioned) can truly have a negative effect on our parenting skills and, by extension, our babies, developmentSumif we are not aware of the facts. The more knowledge you have the less likely that other people will make you doubt your parenting decisions.
When you have your facts straight, and when you have a parenting plan, you will be able to respond with confidence to those who are well-meaning but offering contrary or incorrect advice. So, your first step is to get smart! Know what you are doing, and know why you are doing it.
The Biology of Newborn Sleep
During the early months of your baby's life, he sleeps when he is tired, it's really that simple. You can do very little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn,t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly.
A very important point to understand about newborn babies is that they have very, very tiny tummies. New babies grow rapidly, their diet is liquid, and it digests quickly. Formula digests quickly and breast milk digests even more rapidly. Although it would be nice to lay your little bundle down at a predetermined bedtime and not hear a peep from him until morning, even the most naive among us know that this is not a realistic goal for a tiny baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to four hours ~ and sometimes more.
During those early months, your baby will have tremendous growth spurts that affect not only daytime, but also nighttime feeding as well, sometimes pushing that two- to four-hour schedule to a one- to two-hour schedule around the clock.
Sleeping "through the night"
You have probably heard that babies should start "sleeping through the night" at about two to four months of age. What you must understand is that, for a new baby, a five-hour stretch is a full night. Many (but nowhere near all) babies at this age can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m. (Not that they always do.) A far cry from what you may have thought "sleeping through the night" meant!
Here we pause while the shock sinks in for those of you who have a baby who sleeps through the night but didn,t know it.
What's more, while the scientific definition of ,sleeping through the night0/00 is five hours, most of us wouldn,t consider that anywhere near a full night,s sleep for ourselves. Also, some of these sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly begin waking more frequently, and it,s often a full year or even two until your little one will settle into a mature, all-night, every night sleep pattern.
Falling Asleep at the Breast or Bottle
It is very natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking at the breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleep this way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, he cannot fall asleep any other way. I have heard a number of sleep experts refer to this as a ,negative sleep association.0/00 I certainly disagree, and so would my baby. It is probably the most positive, natural, pleasant sleep association a baby can have. However, a large percentage of parents who are struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep or stay asleep are fighting this natural and powerful sucking-to-sleep association.
Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleep without your help, it is essential that you sometimes let your newborn baby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove the breast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth and let him finish falling asleep without something in his mouth. When you do this, your baby may resist, root, and fuss to regain the nipple. It,s perfectly okay to give him back the breast, bottle, or pacifier and start over a few minutes later. If you do this often enough, he will eventually learn how to fall asleep without sucking.
Waking for Night Feedings
Many pediatricians recommend that parents shouldn't let a newborn sleep longer than three or four hours without feeding, and the vast majority of babies wake far more frequently than that. (There are a few exceptional babies who can go longer.) No matter what, your baby will wake up during the night. The key is to learn when you should pick her up for a night feeding and when you can let her go back to sleep on her own.
This is a time when you need to focus your instincts and intuition. This is when you should try very hard to learn how to read your baby's signals. Here,s a tip that is critically important for you to know. Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries, and these noises don,t always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is nearly or even totally asleep during these episodes. I remember when my first baby, Angela, was a newborn. Her cry awakened me many times, yet she was asleep in my arms before I even made it from cradle to rocking chair. She was making sleeping noises. In my desire to respond to my baby's every cry, I actually taught her to wake up more often!
You need to listen and watch your baby carefully. Learn to differentiate between these sleeping sounds and awake and hungry sounds. If she is awake and hungry, you,ll want to feed her as quickly as possible. If you respond immediately when she is hungry, she will most likely go back to sleep quickly. But, if you let her cry escalate, she will wake herself up totally, and it will be harder and take longer for her to go back to sleep. Not to mention that you will then be wide awake, too!
Help Your Baby Distinguish Day from Night
A newborn baby sleeps about sixteen to eighteen hours per day, and this sleep is distributed evenly over six to seven brief sleep periods. You can help your baby distinguish between nighttime sleep and daytime sleep, and thus help him sleep longer periods at night.
Begin by having your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where he can hear the noises of the day, perhaps a bassinet or cradle located in the main area of your home. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet. You can also help your baby differentiate day naps from night sleep by using a nightly bath and a change into sleeping pajamas to signal the difference between the two.
Watch for Signs of Tiredness
One way to encourage good sleep is to get familiar with your baby's sleepy signals and put her down to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby cannot put herself to sleep, nor can she understand her own sleepy signs. Yet a baby who is encouraged to stay awake when her body is craving sleep is typically an unhappy baby. Over time, this pattern develops into sleep deprivation, which further complicates your baby's developing sleep maturity. Learn to read your baby's sleepy signs and put her to bed when that window of opportunity presents itself.
Make Yourself Comfortable
I've yet to hear a parent tell me that she or he loves getting up throughout the night to tend to a baby's needs. As much as we adore our little bundles, it,s tough when you,re woken up over and over again, night after night. Since it,s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, you may as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. The first step is to learn to relax about night wakings right now. Being stressed or frustrated about having to get up won,t change a thing. The situation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your little newborn won,t be so little anymore ~ she,ll be walking and talking and getting into everything in sightSumduring the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

Your baby's Development Week By Week

First Trimester:

Weeks 0-4:

Seven days after the egg is fertilised the blastocyst in your uterus starts to produce human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG) hormone.

Week 5:

The embryo is now around 5mm long. Little buds form, which will become the lungs.

Week 6:

He's now 10mm long. The first signs of his kidney appear and his hands begin to form at the ends of the arm buds.

Weeks 7-8:

Separate fingers can be identified. The foot plate and external part of the ears also begin to develop.

Weeks 9-12:

During this phase his eyes form, his head and brain grow and his face takes shape. He's around 6cm long. Ovaries or testicles have formed. His jaw and mouth have also formed and tiny milk teeth buds are in place.

Week 13:

The placenta maintains the pregnancy and substitutes for lungs, liver and kidneys.

Second Trimester

Week 14:

Your baby is floating in the amniotic sac. He can hiccup and flex his legs.

Week 15:

Blood vessels are visible under your baby's skin. He grasps the umbilical cord and sucks his fingers.

Week 16:

Your baby's legs are longer than his arms. His skin is covered with downy hair (lanugo).

Week 17:

Your baby is now about the size of a large banana. He measures about 14cm and weighs about 200g.

Week 18:

He makes breathing movements and takes amniotic in and out of his lungs.

Week 19:

Your baby swallows amniotic fluid which passes into his bowels. This meconium will constitute your baby's first bowel movement after the birth.

Week 20:

Your baby is around 15cm long (about the size of a large bunch of grapes) and weighs 400g. Eyebrows and lashes start to grow.

Week 21:

His head and body are now more in proportion. Fat is being distributed under his skin.

Week 22:

His eyelids and ears are well formed. A cycle of waking and sleeping may be established.

Week 23:

Growth now begins to slow as your baby matures in other ways.

Week 24:

He has a strong sense of touch and can feel his surroundings. His hearing is developed and he can respond to music and loud noises. He may recognise your voice and may move when you speak.

Week 25:

His nostrils have opened and he is now practising breathing.

Week 26:

His eyelids may open for the first time.

Third Trimester

Week 27:

The amniotic sac contains about 770ml of fluid and your baby can move about quite freely.

Week 28:

Your baby is about 26cm long and weighs about 900g. His heartbeat is around 120 to 140 beats per minute, about double an adults heart rate.

Week 29:

If your baby is in the breech position, don't worry, he should turn between 32 and 34 weeks.

Weeks 30-31:

Your baby can hear both your own and your partner's voice, despite his watery surroundings. Your baby's tastebuds are now developed and he can distinguish between sweet and sour and bitter tastes.

Week 32:

His eyes are open for some of the time. His skin is covered with a layer of vernix which prevents it from drying out.

Week 33:

His lungs secrete a soapy fluid which keeps them open, ready for breathing.

Week 34:

He's now 32cm long and weighs 2kg. His head should be down, ready for birth, although around four per cent of babies are born bottom first - this is the breech position.

Week 35:

The different parts of the baby can be felt through your tummy.

Week 36:

Your baby is around 34cm long and weighs about 2.8kg.

Week 37:

His head mat have engaged (moved through the opening of the pelvis), especially if this is your first baby.

Week 38-39:

Your baby is now quite plump. There is no longer move for him to stretch out and make big movements, but he can still lift and turn his head.

Week 40:

Your baby is around 35-37cm long, weighs around 3.5kg and is ready to be born.



Newborn - Sleep Patterns

What are the sleep patterns of a newborn?

The average newborn sleeps much of the day and night, waking only for feedings every few hours. It is often hard for new parents to know how long and how often a newborn should sleep. Unfortunately, there is no set schedule at first and many newborns have their days and nights confused - they think they are supposed to be awake at night and sleep in the daytime.

Generally, newborns sleep about eight to nine hours in the daytime and about eight hours at night. Most babies do not begin sleeping through the night (six to eight hours) without waking until about three months of age, or until they weigh 12 to 13 pounds. Newborns and young infants have a small stomach and must wake every few hours to eat. In most cases, your baby will awaken and be ready to eat about every three to four hours. It is not necessary to wake a baby for feedings unless you have been advised to do so by your baby's physician. However, do not let a newborn sleep longer than five hours at a time in the first five to six weeks. Some premature babies need more frequent feedings and must be awakened to eat.

Watch for changes in your baby's sleep pattern. If your baby has been sleeping consistently, and suddenly is waking, there may be a problem such as an ear infection. Some sleep disturbances are simply due to changes in development or because of overstimulation.

Never put a baby to bed with a bottle propped for feeding. This is a dangerous practice that can lead to ear infections and choking.

What are the sleep states of a newborn?

Babies, like adults, have various stages and depths of sleep. Depending on the stage, the baby may actively move or lie very still. Infant sleep patterns begin forming during the last months of pregnancy - active sleep first, then quiet sleep by about the eighth month. There are two types of sleep:
• REM (rapid eye movement sleep)
This is a light sleep when dreams occur and the eyes move rapidly back and forth. Although babies spend about 16 hours each day sleeping, about half of this is in REM sleep. Older children and adults sleep fewer hours and spend much less time in REM sleep.
• Non-REM sleep:
Non-REM has 4 stages:
1. Stage 1 - drowsiness - eyes droop, may open and close, dozing
2. Stage 2 - light sleep - the baby moves and may startle or jump with sounds
3. Stage 3 - deep sleep - the baby is quiet and does not move
4. Stage 4 - very deep sleep - the baby is quiet and does not move

A baby enters stage 1 at the beginning of the sleep cycle, then moves into stage 2, then 3, then 4, then back to 3, then 2, then to REM. These cycles may occur several times during sleep. Babies may awaken as they pass from deep sleep to light sleep and may have difficulty going back to sleep in the first few months.

What are the different alert phases of a newborn?

Babies also have differences in how alert they are during the time they are awake. When a newborn awakens at the end of the sleep cycles, there is typically a quiet alert phase. This is a time when the baby is very still, but awake and taking in the environment. During the quiet alert time, babies may look or stare at objects, and respond to sounds and motion. This phase usually progresses to the active alert phase in which the baby is attentive to sounds and sights, but moves actively. After this phase is a crying phase. The baby's body moves erratically, and he/she may cry loudly. Babies can easily be overstimulated during the crying phase. It is usually best to find a way of calming the baby and the environment. Holding a baby close or swaddling (wrapping snugly in a blanket) may help calm a crying baby.

It is usually best to feed babies before they reach the crying phase. During the crying phase, they can be so upset that they may refuse the breast or bottle. In newborns, crying is a late sign of hunger.

Helping your baby sleep:

Babies may not be able to establish their own sleeping and waking patterns, especially in going to sleep. You can help your baby sleep by recognizing signs of sleep readiness, teaching him/her to fall asleep on his/her own, and providing the right environment for comfortable and safe sleep.

What are the signs of sleep readiness?

Your baby may show signs of being ready for sleep when you see the following signs:
• rubbing eyes
• yawning
• looking away
• fussing

How can you help your baby fall asleep?

Although it is surprising, not all babies know how to put themselves to sleep. When it is time for bed, many parents want to rock or breastfeed a baby to help him/her fall asleep. Establishing a routine like this at bedtime is a good idea. However, be sure that the baby does not fall asleep in your arms. This may become a pattern and the baby may begin to expect to be in your arms in order to fall asleep. When the baby briefly awakens during a sleep cycle, he/she may not be able to go back to sleep on his own.

Most experts recommend allowing a baby to become sleepy in your arms, then placing him/her in the bed while still awake. This way the baby learns how to go to sleep on his own. Playing soft music while your baby is getting sleepy is also a good way to help establish a bedtime routine.

What sleeping positions are best for a newborn?

For many years in the United States, babies have been put to bed on their stomachs. In most other countries, babies sleep on their backs. Research has found a link between sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and babies who sleep on their stomachs (in the prone position).

Experts now agree that putting a baby to sleep on his/her back is the safest position. Side-sleeping may also be used, but this also has a higher risk than back sleeping. Other reports have found soft surfaces, loose bedding, and overheating with too many blankets also increase the risk for SIDS. When infants are put to sleep on their stomachs and they also sleep on soft bedding, the risk for SIDS is even higher. Smoking by the mother is also a major risk for SIDS, as are poor prenatal care and prematurity. Since the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) made the "back-to-sleep" recommendation in 1992, the SIDS rate has dropped more than 40 percent.

Back sleeping also appears to be safer for other reasons. There is no evidence that babies are more likely to vomit or spit up while sleeping on their back. In fact, choking may be more likely in the prone position.

A task force of The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), offer the following recommendations for infant bedding:
• Place your baby on his/her back on a firm, tight-fitting mattress in a crib that meets current safety standards.
• Remove pillows, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, stuffed toys, and other soft products from the crib.
• Consider using a sleeper as an alternative to blankets with no other covering.
• If using a blanket, put your baby with his/her feet at the foot of the crib. Tuck a thin blanket around the crib mattress, only as far as the baby's chest.
• Make sure your baby's head remains uncovered during sleep.
• Do not place your baby on a waterbed, sofa, soft mattress, pillow, or other soft surface to sleep.
• According to the task force report, bed sharing or co-sleeping may be hazardous for babies in certain conditions. The report advises the following:
• Parents should consider placing the infant's crib near their bed for more convenient breastfeeding and parent contact.
• If a mother chooses to have her infant sleep in her bed to breastfeed, care should be taken that the baby sleeps in a non-prone position, soft surfaces or loose covers are avoided, and the bed is moved away from the wall and other furniture to avoid the baby becoming entrapped between them.
• Adults other than the parents, children, or other siblings should not share a bed with an infant.
• Parents who choose to bed share with their infant should not smoke or use substances such as drugs or alcohol that may impair their ability to awaken.

To prevent overheating, the report recommends that the infant should be lightly clothed for sleep and the room temperature kept comfortable for a lightly clothed adult. Avoid over bundling and check the baby's skin to make sure it is not hot to the touch.

Additional research has found that infants should not be put to sleep on a sofa, alone or with another person, as this practice increases the risk for SIDS.

While babies should sleep on their backs, other positions can be used during the time babies are awake. Babies can be placed on their stomachs while awake to help develop muscles and eyes and to help prevent flattened areas on the back of the head.


Burping the Baby

Why is my baby crying, is she hungry
Most of the time that the baby is crying, it is because of hunger. Some parents begin to recognize the cry of hunger at a very early age. It has been observed that the feeling of a full stomach gives a baby the most comfort. - not the act of feeding, swallowing or being held. However, it is important that you should burp the baby (take out excess air) after every feed, because the air trapped in her system may cause her a lot of discomfort. Another possible explanation for your baby's discomfort may lie in her diet. Occasionally, allergy or sensitivity to something in the formula or breast milk may lead to crying, but this is usually accompanied by other symptoms.
How do I burp my baby
Babies often feel uncomfortable because they have swallowed air. Burp the baby regularly during feeds in order to expel swallowed air. Applying light pressure to the baby's abdomen (by laying her across your lap, tummy down, or upright against your shoulder) while patting or rubbing her back has also been known to be effective. When you are breastfeeding your baby, you can hold the baby against your shoulder for 30 seconds to one minute before offering her the second breast.
How can I prevent my baby from swallowing air
Parents can take a few precautionary measures to prevent the baby from swallowing air. Babies will swallow less air if you keep them upright as much as possible during feeding and burping. The right-size teat hole on a bottle will also reduce air intake. If you are breastfeeding the baby, you should position them in a semi-upright position.


Tips for Successful Breastfeeding

10 Tips for successful breastfeeding
1. You should begin breastfeeding your baby an hour after delivery.
2. Colostrum, the yellowish milk produced by the mother in the first 3 days, is very healthy for the child.
3. The baby does not need anything other than breast milk for the first 4-6 months of life. Breast milk provides adequate nutrition and immunity for the baby.
4. A baby who has only breast milk (no additional water), and urinates a minimum of 6 times in 24 hours is getting enough breast milk.
5. There is no need to worry about frequent watery motions in an exclusively breastfed baby, as long as the baby is active and passes urine adequately.
6. Your baby should be free to breastfeed whenever and for as long as she chooses. More suckling means more breast milk. Demand feeding alleviates breast engorgement and breast infection.
7. It is important that the baby not only get foremilk (rich in carbohydrates, vitamins and proteins, that also helps quench the baby's thirst), but also get hind milk (rich in fat and calories). Therefore, you should allow the baby to keep suckling from one side until he leaves the breast on his own, so that he gets enough hindmilk.
8. Try to avoid bottle-feeding entirely. It is not necessary at all.
9. Bottle-feeding may be a direct cause for breastfeeding failure.
10. If the baby cannot tolerate bottle-feeding or artificial feeding, it can lead to a serious illness.

Knowing the basics of breastfeeding
Positioning:
The baby should be unwrapped before being put to the breast. This will allow her the freedom to feel her mother's body, especially her warm breasts. She must be positioned such that she is in a semi-upright position with her stomach touching your stomach, her lower shoulder touching you, and her upper shoulder close to your breast.
Latching on:
She must take the entire nipple (the dark areola) in her mouth. If she is still very young and has a small mouth, it is more important that her lips cover the lower part of the areola than the upper part of the areola. It is her lower jaw that will do all the suckling.
Timing and Frequency of Feeds:
She must be allowed to feed as often and as long as she wants (including during the night). This will ensure that she gets enough hindmilk, and also a feeling of security.
Ban on Feeding Bottles:
Although you may have got many feeding bottles as gifts, it is important that you never use them. The use of feeding bottles could cause nipple confusion and result in breastfeeding failure.

Benefits of Breastfeeding for the Mother

What are the benefits of breastfeeding for the mother
• Once you master the art of breastfeeding, feeding the baby will be very convenient for you. You will not need to worry about washing and sterilizing bottles, preparing feeds, boiling water, etc.
• It will help you regain your figure faster than if you were not breastfeeding
• It also reduces the risks of breast and ovarian cancer
• It acts as a natural contraceptive (but you should not rely on it) and helps you space your babies by delaying conception

Will my breasts sag with breastfeeding
The mother's breasts usually do increase in size by as much as 2-5 inches during pregnancy and remain enlarged for a few months after delivery until the mother continues to nurse her baby. Since there are no muscles in the breast, only ligaments, your breasts will sag from the increased weight unless well supported by a good-fitting bra. These ligaments, once stretched, never return to their original size. Therefore, breasts sag not because of breastfeeding but because of poor support. A bra with good all-round support worn at all times during pregnancy and nursing (even at night) will ensure that your breasts do not sag.
I am worried about losing my figure after childbirth
There is good news for you. Breastfeeding helps you regain your original figure faster. Your uterus would have also expanded in size during pregnancy. Soon after delivery, however, it begins to contract to get back to its original size. You will regain your original figure faster because of the following reasons:
• The oxytocin hormone released during breastfeeding encourages faster contraction of the uterus
• The oxytocin hormone leads to earlier stoppage of vaginal bleeding after delivery;
• All the fat in your body accumulated during pregnancy will be consumed in the preparation of breast milk
Many breastfeeding mothers (who have gained a normal weight of 12 kgs) have happy stories to recount that they came back to their pre-pregnancy weight within 6 months of delivery without doing even a bit of exercise. (But remember exercise may not be necessary to lose weight but it is essential to reduce the flabbiness caused from pregnancy).


Benefits of Breastfeeding for The Baby

What are the benefits of breast milk for the baby
• It has all the nutrients that a baby needs
• It can easily be digested by the baby
• It protects the baby from illnesses by providing immunity
• It is readily available for the baby and is always at the right temperature

Is the nutrition provided by breast milk sufficient
Breast milk is the ideal and most complete food for the baby because it contains all of the nutritive elements essential for its growth. It is an important source of proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals - all in the right proportion.
How does breast milk protect the baby
Breast milk strengthens the child's immunity because it contains antibodies, special white cells and other anti-infective factors. The protection is greatest when the baby is only fed breast milk in the first 4-6 months of life. Cow (or buffalo) milk and formula milk do not contain these antibodies that are so important to the baby.
Is a breastfed baby less likely to fall sick
Yes, absolutely. Breast milk helps to protect the baby against diarrhoea, coughs and colds, and common illnesses. A non-breastfed baby is 15 times more likely to get diarrhoea and 3 times more likely to get respiratory infection. Allergies are more common in babies given animal milk (including powder milk) in the first months of life. If your baby is sick, breast milk is ideal because it is nutritious and can be easily digested.
Does breast milk cause fewer stomach upsets and prevent constipation
Yes. Breast milk gets digested easily, even by the baby's delicate digestive system. This means fewer stomach upsets, less wind and less vomiting after feeds. The baby's stools are also soft and less smelly. In addition, the baby rarely (or never) suffers from constipation. Even if the baby does not have a bowel movement for a few days, when he eventually does, his stools will always be soft (though he may still show signs of straining).

Bath Tips For Baby

Bath Tips For Baby

What You'll Need.
• Bathe your newborn using a small tub or the kitchen sink. This will save new parents the pain of a sore back and knees. Your baby will also be able to sit more comfortably in this size tub.
How Often?
• Until your baby is more active, you need only bathe her two or three times a week. Once she's more energetic, she'll likely get herself into more sticky situations; now you'll need to wash her once or twice a day. Using a soft cloth, wash your newborn's face frequently and clean the genital area after every diaper change.
Proper Procedure.
• Assemble everything you’ll need for this bath—gather soft towels and have mild soap on hand. Fill the tub with 2-3 inches of warm water; test the water with your elbow to make sure it’s not too warm. Room temperature should also be comfortable so that your baby doesn’t catch a cold.
• Now you’re ready to ease your child into the water. Use one hand to support her neck and head. Use mild soap sparingly as it will easily dry out delicate baby skin.
• Wash from head to toe, front and back, using your hand or a soft washcloth. Use a moistened cotton ball to wash the face and eyes. Rinse your baby with a wet washcloth thoroughly.
• Wash her scalp twice a week, using a damp soapy cloth, and rinse well. Be careful not to get any soap in her little eyes!
Wrapping Up.
• Finally, wrap her up in a warm, soft towel and gently pat her dry. Make sure the genital area is completely dry to avoid a diaper rash.
Note: You don't want to make the bath water too hot, as a baby's skin is very delicate, and may get burnt easily.


Soothing a Carying Baby

Soothing a Crying Baby

Sometimes the solution to your baby’s crying is quite obvious. She’s hungry so you feed her. Perhaps her diaper is soiled so you put a fresh one on. But what about those times when you’re not so sure?

Gas Time

It’s common for many newborns to suffer from uncomfortable gas. Although they usually outgrow their difficulties by three or four months, you’ll probably need to help them get relief once or twice before then.

To relieve the gas (and stop those tears), try laying them on their back and gently pumping their legs. If that doesn’t work, then lightly rub their stomach in a downward motion, as though you were digging in the ground. Try this two or three times and then gently bring their knees up to their chest. Hopefully, this will do the trick, but if it doesn’t then softly rub their stomach in a clockwise motion two or three times. Bring their knees up to their chest again to help them pass the gas.

If you breastfeed, try adjusting your feeding routine so that you can help prevent the gas in the first place. Avoid switching breasts during the meal. Also, keep your little one’s head above her stomach. This will help to slow down the flow of milk, which will keep her from swallowing too much air.

Your baby might be crying if he's cold or if he's too warm. Try adding or taking away a layer of clothing.

Tired of Being a Celebrity

Perhaps your baby just wants some attention; the easiest solution is to pick her up and hold her. Perhaps you’ve just spent the evening at a family function where everyone was "oohhing" and "aahhing" over your little one. Then your baby is probably sick of the limelight and would like to spend some quiet time away from everyone. Find a quite place and sit with your baby until the tears stop.

Sometimes, though, babies cry for reasons that parents just can’t identify. If you’re not sure what is causing your baby’s tears, then try some of these tried and tested methods.

Good Vibrations

Put your baby in his car seat and place him on top of the washer or dryer while it’s running. Many babies love the constant vibration. Just make sure you hold on to that seat the entire time.

Another method thousands of parents swear by is the car ride. Whether it’s the movement or the change of scenery, car rides have stopped the tears of many babies. Try to find a route with a lot of right turns so that your little one doesn’t start crying again at every stop.

The Power of Touch

It is amazing how touch and skin-to-skin contact can calm a crying baby. Try giving your baby a gentle massage to ease their tears. You might also want to lay her on her back and move her legs in a bicycling motion.

One popular method of stopping a baby’s tears is to put him in a front carry pack and walk around with him. Sing, talk and hum to him while you go about your day. The close contact to your body will let your little one feel safe and warm. In fact, a study done in Montreal, Canada found that babies who were carried around by their mothers often cried less than babies who weren’t carried. So strap him into that front pack and do your chores!

Get Moving

Movement is a great baby soother. Pick your baby up in your arms and gently dance and sway with her in front of a mirror. She’ll enjoy the movement and being able to see herself.

Just like us, babies can get bored with their surroundings. So if you’ve been inside all day, take a stroll outside. If you’ve been outside all day, head inside.

If you have a bouncy chair, place your baby in it and swing a receiving blanket or burp cloth in front of his face. Play peek-a-boo with him.

All the White Sounds

White noise can be especially soothing for many babies. Try running the vacuum, the dishwasher or a hair dryer. You can also tune the radio to a static station and let your baby listen to that. Just be sure to keep the volume low.

When all else fails, then try setting a calming mood. Dim the lights, put on some white noise, wrap your baby up in some warm blankets and just let her enjoy the mellow atmosphere.

If none of these tips seem to help, you may want to consider asking your doctor or midwife about colic. Colic can really fray a parents nerves, so it's important to learn how to cope with a colicky baby.
Swaddling
Swaddling is another soothing technique first-time parents should learn. Swaddling keeps a baby's arms close to the body and legs snuggled together. Not only does this keep a baby warm, but the surrounding pressure seems to give most newborns a sense of security and comfort. Swaddling works well for some babies during their first few weeks.
Here's how to swaddle a baby:
• Spread out the receiving blanket, with one corner folded over slightly.
• Lay the baby face-up on the blanket with his or her head above the folded corner.
• Wrap the left corner over the body and tuck it beneath the back of the baby, going under the right arm.
• Bring the bottom corner up over the baby's feet and pull it toward the head, folding the fabric down if it gets close to the face.
• Wrap the right corner around the baby, and tuck it under the baby's back on the left side, leaving only the neck and head exposed.


The first Few Hours After Birth

Caring For Your New Born Baby

The first Few Hours After Birth

The first few hours after your baby's birth will be an exciting, awesome and exhilarating experience. In these moments, with your baby close to you, all your dreams, hopes and plans come together.

Many Mothers ask their Health care provider or Midwife to let them have the first few hours after the birth of their baby to be left to them, undisturbed. This is a very important and amazing time, as after a long nine months your little miricale has finally arrived, and lying in your arms.

After the birth, your newborn should be thoroughly dried with warm towels so as not to lose heat. Once it's clear that he has good color and is active and normal, he can be placed between your breasts, on your abdomen or right next to you as the two of you and your partner rest together.

The time spent together will have a huge impact on both you and your newborn. Not only will it put you at ease, your baby will feel so much more secure in it;'s new surroundings with the comfort and warmth of your body warming his/her body. it is often also thought that a newborn will recognise it;s mothers voice and smell, and therefore feel more safe and comforterd and rest easier.

Comforting a crying Baby

We all know that all babies cry, and at about two weeks of age, it is not unusual for babies to develop a difficult period in the evening that can last many hours. You might also be worried about colic.

It's a difficult period, as you will be wanting to comfort your baby, and try to find out what is wrong with him/her. All your efforts may end in more crying or no solution. Here are a few different suggestions we think you might find easy and effective in comforting your baby.

New Positions
• Hold your baby facedown over your forearm with his head at your elbow and your thumb and fingers wrapped around his thigh.
• Hold your baby seated in your hand with his back to your chest and your other hand across his chest, wrapping your thumb and fingers around his upper arm.
• Hold your baby high over your shoulder so his stomach is being pressed into your shoulder bone.
• Cradle your baby in your arms, holding him tummy-to-tummy tightly against you.

Rhythmic Motion
• Walking around
• Rocking vertically by doing deep-knee bends.
• Swaying side to side or back and forth while standing up
• Rocking back and forth in a comfortable rocking chair

Warmth
• Swaddle your baby tightly in a receiving blanket.
• Hold your baby close to you so she can receive your warmth.
• Put a heating pad in your baby's sleep area to warm the sheets before putting her down. Take out the heating pad and check the temperature of the sheets to be sure they're comfortably warm.
• Lay your baby facedown over a wrapped hot-water bottle on your lap.

Soothing Sounds
• Speak reassuring words in a soft, low voice.
• Hum and sing familiar songs you enjoy.
• Make a tape recording of a dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum cleaner or clothes dryer to let your baby hear repeated swooshing sounds. A fan or humidifier in the baby's room can sometimes do the trick, as can a radio tuned to the static between stations.
• Play classical, new age, soft rock or soft jazz music. No heavy metal, please! It makes babies nervous

Touch
• Firmly but gently massage your baby's back from the neck down to his bottom.
• Firmly pat or rub your baby on his back and bottom.In a warm room, lay your baby on a firm surface and gently massage his tummy with clockwise strokes.
• If you think his discomfort may be resulting from gas, this can help move down the gas. Then gently press his knees into his abdomen to push out the gas.

Recommended Link
Caring for a newborn is often an experience few woman (or men) are properly prepared for. Help other new moms know what to expect by visitng Pregnancy Stories and telling your story about taking care of your baby.


Handling A Newborn

Handling a Newborn

If you haven't spent a lot of time around newborns, their fragility may be intimidating. Here are a few basics to remember:
• Be careful to support your baby's head and neck. Cradle the head when carrying your baby and support the head when carrying the baby upright or when you lay him or her down.
• Be careful not to shake your newborn, whether in play or in frustration. Shaking that is vigorous can cause bleeding in the brain and even death. If you need to wake your infant, don't do it by shaking — instead, tickle your baby's feet or blow gently on a cheek.
• Shaken baby/shaken impact syndrome (SBS) is a form of inflicted head trauma. Head injury, as a form of child abuse, can be caused by direct blows to the head, dropping or throwing the child, or shaking the child. Head trauma is the leading cause of death in child abuse cases in the United States.
• Make sure your baby is securely fastened into the carrier, stroller, or car seat. Limit any activity that would be too rough or bouncy.
• Even though babies are small and seem uncomplicated, there's nothing small or simple about their accessories! Choosing products for your baby can be confusing, especially with all the new gadgets and features available. But there is one overriding consideration that must never be compromised when picking out your baby's products, whether you're buying, borrowing, or accepting a hand-me-down: your baby's safety.
• Remember that your newborn is not ready for rough play, such as being jiggled on the knee or thrown in the air.

Baby - Care Basics

You've survived 9 months of pregnancy. You've made it through the excitement of labor and delivery, and now you're ready to head home and begin life with your baby. Once home, though, you frantically realize you have no idea what you're doing!

Brushing up on these tips can help first-time parents feel confident about caring for a newborn in no time.

Baby-care basics:
• Getting Help After the Birth
• Handling a Newborn
• Bonding and Soothing Techniques
• Diapering Dos and Don'ts
• Bathing Basics
• Circumcision and Umbilical Cord Care
• Feeding and Burping Your Baby
• Sleeping Basics

Hope you like this

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.



Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.

PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.



Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and
passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.



Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and
passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... ... :-)

True Love

At 25, I overcame a longtime fear of being underwater and finally got baptized. For several years after that, I had a tumultuous relationship with God because I had assumed that baptism, prayer, and Bible reading equaled never experiencing another hardship. Once I was schooled about the dangers of assuming, I grew frustrated. I felt God had lied to me. That’s when I started fluctuating between times of being deeply in love with Him and times when I refused to take His calls. The ebb and flow of my feelings for Him was always in direct correlation with how everything else in my life was progressing. Isn’t that always the case? I mean we live in a society that loves to place blame and, for a long time, my shoulders balked at the idea of bearing any responsibility for what wasn’t right with me.

Our worst trial separation came about four years ago. On that day, I was certain that I’d come to a very important and definite life-altering realization: that I hated God. I hated Him and all His deceptive righteousness and I decided to no longer deal with Him. I even told Him so; parked on the side of the road (I drive when I need to clear my head), angry and crying, I yelled at the top of my lungs, “I hate you! I hate you and I’m done! I give up on you!” Then I waited for the thunder and lightning bolt from Heaven that I was certain would come – and perhaps hoped would come. I mean this was God, after all; you don’t go around telling Him you hate Him and expect to live. Except nothing happened; I didn’t even feel a spiritual slap to the back of the head. Many people would have been grateful, and yet, I wasn’t. I grew angrier. Oh, I know He’s not still ignoring me! What do I have to do for a little quality time around here?! I pray, I beg, now I’m acting out but still getting ignored? You suck Lord!

For the next three days it became my life’s mission to turn my back on God as I felt He’d turned His back on me. Now, I hadn’t quite figured out how that was going to work since a portion of my being still believed Him to be the beginning and end of everything. But I was convinced that He was also a liar, a hypocrite, and sucked as a parent. I even thought of starting my own religion based on the belief that yes, God does exist, but He is unworthy of His godliness. Instead of meeting to praise Him, the practitioners of my religion would congregate once a month to talk about what an all around pain in the butt God could be. I envisioned something of a support group for the abandoned children of uncaring or disinterested deities. Feasible? Of course not, and I knew that; but at the time, I was too busy stomping my feet like the impetuous, pouting child turned angry adult that I was.

Why was I angry at God? Back then it varied from day-to-day: He allowed an incompetent coworker to succeed while I struggled; He made me baby-faced with the cleavage of a twelve year old instead of shaped like Halle Berry; He gave men penises and the audacity to think that such a ridiculous looking thing means they own the world; the cute manager at my local shoe store turned out to be married and I took it as another sign that I’d never find anyone (even though my feminist-minded side thought it weak of me to admit that I wanted someone). Most days it didn’t take much for God to top my s**t list – right above drivers who refuse to turn right on red and cashiers who lick their fingers before counting money back to me.

Now as a born and bred Southerner, you can imagine that hating God was not something I found easy to do. I, like many in the region, grew up in the church, being taught to think of God as our “Father.” However, in my world, fathers lie, cheat and break hearts. Fathers drink, hit, and destroy all that’s good. Fathers make promises they don’t keep, seemingly incapable of understanding that their behavior has consequences. So, how could I trust a Heavenly Father who sometimes intentionally takes me through trials and tribulations, even if He says it’s all to make me stronger?

Anyway, that particular instance of rebellion didn’t last long. He wooed me back, just as He always has – nudging me in the side and whispering, “You done, yet? You know you miss me. C’mon, you know you’ll never do better than me. No one will love you like I do. Repent and let's move on.”

I grudgingly pulled my Bible out of the old trunk I’d hidden it in, convinced that I was never opening its pages again. Ironically, in allowing myself to verbalize my anger at God, I also opened myself to loving Him more and seeking His will – though I’m by no means always on the straight and narrow path (my path tends to wind and cross and double back on itself).

I’m trying to remember that God was not created in man’s image, but vice versa. Just because my father left and broke my heart, doesn’t mean that God will. In fact, it’s the very opposite: God is still here; He’s been here every time, waiting to catch me, guide me, and start me on my way again – provided I’m willing to be caught, guided, and restarted. When I told Him I hated Him, He didn’t respond, “Yeah, well, I’m not feeling you right now, either.” And he didn’t decide to crush me like a bug. He waited me out, knowing I’d be back. If that’s not the ultimate example of His patience and perseverance, then I don’t know what is. I guess He's got it bad for me.

26 THINGS IN A PERFECT GUY

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

6. Play with your hair.

7. His hands always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

13. Realize he’s being funny when he needs to be serious.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile a lot.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn’t
normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

22. Sing, even if he can’t.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

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Humor

10 reasons...


10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on television.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting himself in trouble.

AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...

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1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"


Boss Kidnapped


Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

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"About 1 litre."


Please tell me "WHY"


WHY (can anyone give the answers)

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?

10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?

20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


Sweeter Sides of Life


[1] Sweeter Sides of Life

Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot’ n’Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."


[2] Better Dead than Alive

A bachelor Man asked his physician, “I Want to live healthy and longer.”
The Doctor advised, “Good thought, Get married.”
The man asked, “Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.”
The Doctor said, “No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.”


[3] An Alien Observation


“A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.”

[4] Respect to a Dead Union

A husband reminded the wife, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute’s in silence.”

[5] Love Kills

Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."

[6] Strange Divinity

And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.

[7] Senseless and Careless

A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.

[8] Wise Saying

Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.

[9] For unmarried only

“Happy Independence Day.”

[10] Grass is greener on other side

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend’s dish more alluring.


[11] Decent Burial

A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
“Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.”
The man quickly responded, “Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.”


[12] Wild Fiction

A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on “The sex and my woman.”
He asked the female librarian, “Ma’ am, I want the book something like, “Master of my woman.”
The librarian advised, “Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.”

[13] Promise Keeper

Once a man told then his lover, “Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.”
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."

[14] Never drying tears

A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.

[15] Law of Double Jeopardy

The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!


Why INDIA is in trouble


Why INDIA is in trouble ??? & Who will Bringout it from Trouble ??

Population: 100 crore
9 crore retired

30 crore in state Govt;
17 crore in central Govt.
(Both categories don't work)

1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )

25 crore in school

1 crore are under 5 years

15 crore unemployed

1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals

Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail

The Balance two are U & Me.

U are busy " checking Mails /sending fwds.. "..!!

HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?

SO I NEEDS SUPPORT OF ALL OF YOU TO BRING IT ON TOP...:)

Jokes

incurably fuuny


patient- please doctor help me. i have been stung by a bee.

doctor- dont worry . i will put some cream on it.

pat..-you will never find the bee. it must be miles away by now.

doc..- no no please understand. i will put some cream on the place u were stung.

pat..-oh! it happened in the garden where i was sitting under a tree.

doc..- u #$%&! i mean in which part of the body did the bee sting.

pat..- it stung me on my finger.

doc..- which one?

pat..-how am i to know? all the bees look the same to me



Famous Quotes

It was the end of the school day and all of the kids were anxious to go home. The teacher told the kids,"As soon as you can name the speaker of a famous quote you may leave. O.K.,
Who said four score and seven years ago?"

Johnny lifts his hand in excitement.
"Yes, Johnny?"

But before he could answer, Lucy jumped in and said Abraham Lincoln.
"Very good, Lucy, you may go home now."

Johnny was red in the face with anger. The teacher then gave the next quote,
"Who said I have a dream.."

Johnny lifted his hand excitedly again. But this time Mary interjected and said "Martin Luther King."
"Very good, Mary, you may go home now."

At this point Johnny was really frustrated and pissed off. But the teacher asked again, "Who said ask not what your country can do for you?"
Johnny knew this one, he raised his hand quickly. This time Rebecca chimed in and said, "JFK"
"Very good, Rebecca, you may go home now."

Now, Johnny was BOILING MAD! He turns to the kid next to him and says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
"Who said that?"asked the teacher.
"Bill Clinton," said Johnny, "Can I go home now?"


drunk and a nun


There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.


As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.


Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.


This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.


By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"

clever child

Two little babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully manoeuvred himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.

After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly. "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."

SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???


New Husband

In a small town in the old country the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. However, she agreed and they were married.

After the marriage Friday came. They went to the Mikva. Then home to prepare to light the candles.

The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother told me that after the Mikva and before lighting he candles, it's a mitzvah to have sex."

So they did. She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father told me that after lighting the candles it's good to have sex."

So they did. They went to bed after prayers to get ready for Shabbos. When they awoke he said to her, "My grandmother said that before you go to the synagogue it's a mitzvah to have sex." So they did. After praying all day, they came home to rest, and again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather says after praying it's a mitzvah to have sex."

So they did. On Sunday she goes out to shop for food and meets a friend who asks, "So how is the new husband?"

She replies, "Well, he is no scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family."

Perfect Husband

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.


Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.


The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".


The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".


As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".


The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."


wife or mistress?


An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduringrelationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The accountant said: "I likeboth."

"Both?" The other two asked

The accountant replied: "Yeah. If you have a wife and amistress they will each assume you are spending time with the otherwoman,

and you can go to the office and get some work done."

rusty baby

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.


'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.'


'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'


'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'


'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?'

The man seemed a bit ashamed.


'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently. 'It's rust.'


Who Am I ?

One Monday morning a guy was in the neighborhood on his usual route.

As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Billy the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.


"Wow Billy, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night," the man comments.

Billy in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples over for our annivesary bash and got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."


The guy thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Billy continues between hung over gasps, "Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."


The guy laughs and says, "Damn I'm sorry I missed that."

Billy responds, "But your name was guessed four or five times."

Relationship

LOVE

LOVE is more than a four letter word
it packs more power than any we've heard.


LOVE can turn a frown into a smile
make our day more worthwhile.


LOVE never fails, love never tires
makes more heat than many fires.


LOVE makes us tingle and walk on air
helps us do things we wouldn't dare.


LOVE is a dream, a sweet fantasy
but it is also life and reality.


LOVE can fly us up so high
drop us low when it says goodbye.


LOVE is a strange mysterious force
but one we want to keep of course.


LOVE we don't want to live without
when it's absent, we will pout.


LOVE can go and new love return
better than before you will learn.


LOVE that is perfect and is right
may come along any day or night.


Yes LOVE is more than a four letter word
it's the most wonderful word you have heard.


"The Life without Smile is a Life without meaning"


Love and Marriage explained beautifully

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick."


The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.


Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.


The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.


The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.


The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."

The Taxi Driver

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.


'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!'

Clinton`s secret box

Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.


At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"


He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."


Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"


Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money.